What Scares the Shit Out of Me

Picture this:

Michael Myers….

made out of bugs…chasing your ass down the street

If you can’t picture it, this is my artistic rendering of it:

I’m sure though if I saw this, I don’t think it would scare me so much as make me do a double take to make sure that Michael Myers really has two butterflies on his face. But really, butterflies are fucking scary when they dive bomb at your face. But I digress.  These two things separately scare me. Then one day Ashley suggested what could only be my worst fear.

I was just telling someone tonight that while house sitting for the Browns, there was a GIANT spider in the shower and I literally couldn’t bring myself to get close enough to smoosh it, so instead, I just took a bottle of liquid comet and sprayed it til it died. Then another time Tyler and I were going to school and another GIANT spider was right above my head in the car. I literally went hysterically. I tried to climb to the back seat but when that failed, I tried to magically turn into a tiny ball.  But then the spider started moving and all hell broke lose. No kidding.  So as you can see, spiders scare the shit out of me. Maybe not literally but you get my meaning.

I like to think that I’ve become slightly desensitized from Michael Myer’s chalk white face and machete wielding hand but I haven’t. As a kid, I grew up with these films. Sure I was scared then but most kids would be. Unless your my niece Brooke who has an unnatural love for slasher films. (Seriously, this kid was carrying around a Chucky doll more than a baby doll at one point!) It seems though, instead of that fear slightly fading over time, it has quadrupled to the extreme. It’s not like I don’t know it’s fake but for some reason, when I’m screaming at the screen for the dumb blonde to run the other way, I get a little paranoid that he’s standing behind me thinking the same thing:

I like to think I’ve evolved a little in my fears and worry more about something that matters, like one of my friends dying in a car crash or a vampire hunting me down to make me his bride but who am I kidding, right? Right.